ups sucksI had something else I was ready to post about when I got home, but upon arriving home, I saw a notice on my mailbox which I just knew was going to cause me a headache. The notice was from UPS letting me know that they had been at the house but unable to obtain a signature from me. I had ordered some dock inserts from Bose on Friday and they shipped out the same day. Since S and I work 9-5, neither one of us was home to sign for the package. While the gal pal is smart, we’ve not yet got her trained to open the door and sign for things.

I came inside from the stifling heat and glanced over the delivery notice. The check boxes indicated that UPS would be returning tomorrow, between 2 and 5pm. Somehow, I don’t think that’s enough time to train the dog to take care of the package delivery. I called the 1-800 number on the back of the slip to arrange for either a different delivery time or to change the address to my office so that I could be sure I’d be around to sign for it.

As with most businesses today, I was stuck with repetitive automated messages telling me that I could take care of my request online. Frustrated at listening to the automatons, I went online in search of some options. After entering in the tracking number on the UPS site, I noticed that several options were available to me: I could request that the package be held at the UPS depot, change the delivery address, request a different delivery date or send the package back to the sender. I went with the first option thinking I’d be able to choose the nearest UPS location to me. I was wrong.

Only one facility was available and it was out in Concord. Getting there on transit was out of the question and driving there after work was not a viable option either. I went back a screen and chose the option to allow me to change the delivery address. I entered in the information for my office and hit ‘next.’ A message appeared telling me that the new address was too far away from the first, I had to choose somewhere closer.

I was left scratching my head. UPS was willing to take the package out to Concord Ontario, but not to central Toronto. How does that make sense? Tired of mucking about online, I got back on the phone. Once again, I listened through all of the automated messages and finally got to the prompt which allowed me to speak to a representative. Before a rep came on the phone though, I had to listen to yet another long message about what every single check box on the delivery slip meant. “If the C.O.D box is checked, then you have to …” “if the Certified cheque box is selected, then you have to…” I think UPS’ strategy is to get people so fed up with the automated messages that they just hang up and give up altogether.

While on hold, I perused the UPS site and found a store pretty close to my office. I could easily get there during my lunch break. A representative finally came on the line and I explained that I wanted my package sent to the store on ABC Street. “Have you spoken to someone at that location?” she asked.

“No, I called you first,” I replied, trying to keep the annoyance out of my voice.

“You have to arrange with the delivery location first,” she replied quite irritated. Frustrated beyond belief, I hung up with her and called the UPS store. I spoke to a gentleman named Mark and let him know I wanted my package dropped off there so that I could pick it up. He took down my information and said they’d call me when it arrived.

“By the way, there’s a $5 cost for the service,” Mark said. You have got to be kidding me, I thought. I had already paid for shipping as part of the order I placed with Bose in the first place. Now I was having to pay for a package that UPS could have easily left in my mailbox (the value of the inserts is under $20) because UPS couldn’t be bothered to deliver it to my office.

Back on the phone with the main UPS folks’ I didn’t bother listening to anymore prompts. I kept pressing zero until I got to the long message explaining what all of the checkboxes meant. When that was done, I heard a click then silence and then the familiar beep telling me the call had been disconnected.

“Can I throw this?” I asked S while holding up the phone. She informed me that I could not. Back on the phone, I resumed with the pressing of the zero. I hadn’t bothered listening to the last message. I got another representative and explained the situation to her. I provided her with the address of the store I wanted the package to go to and told her I had spoken to Mark.

“Is he the manager?” she asked me.

“Yes, I believe he is,” I replied. I had no clue who he was, he could have been the cleaner for all I knew. I wasn’t about to hang up and call back to find out.

“How do you spell his name?” she asked me. I spelled it out for her and I caught a glimpse of S rolling her eyes. “Due to the fact that we’ve missed cut-off, the package won’t be there until Wednesday.”

“That’s fine,” I said through clenched teeth. A few minutes later I hung up the phone, frustrated at the run-around. What should have been a simple delivery, turned into me chasing my tail over two stereo dock inserts. I am amazed at the rigidity of the UPS policy; you would think I was having human kidneys delivered. I’m not sure what pissed me off the most about the situation, the fact that UPS was willing to take the package out to Timbucktoo but not my office; or that I had to arrange with another UPS facility on my own and then pay an additional fee to get it delivered there. UPS almost makes Sears look good.

As far as I can tell, brown equals shit.

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