Breaking News: Cartoon Berries Are Not Real Fruit

If you ever find yourself wondering about whether we humans will figure out world peace, how to save the environment and find cures for things like cancer and AIDS, you can stop worrying: it won’t happen. How do I know? Because there are too many stupid people out there; case in point: Ms. Janine Sugawara.

Ms. Sugawara had been eating Cap’n Crunch’s Crunch Berries for four years under the assumption that she was eating real fruit berries. Upon learning the truth, she decided to sue over allegations of fraud. Ms. Ms. Sugawara argued that it was a reasonable assumption to make. I know that when I see a cartoon character eating balls of fruit that look nothing like any fruit I’ve ever seen, I’m going to assume their real berries.

Thankfully, the Judge in the case had enough sense to see the bullshit claim for what it was and said that any reasonable consumer would know that the crunch berries were just sugar-filled concoctions:

This Court is not aware of, nor has Plaintiff alleged the existence of, any actual fruit referred to as a “crunchberry.” Furthermore, the “Crunchberries” depicted on the [box] are round, crunchy, brightly-colored cereal balls, and the [box] clearly states both that the Product contains “sweetened corn & oat cereal” and that the cereal is “enlarged to show texture.” Thus, a reasonable consumer would not be deceived into believing that the Product in the instant case contained a fruit that does not exist. . . . So far as this Court has been made aware, there is no such fruit growing in the wild or occurring naturally in any part of the world.

There you have it, there are just too many stupid people in this world to lead me to think we have any hope. Sorry Environment. Sorry world peace.