What a whirlwind weekend. It’s been non-stop for us bitches since Friday evening. We had made the plans in advance, so we knew we’d be busy. But now that it’s Sunday night, we’re wondering where our weekend went.

I came home after work on Friday and was feeling kindy of funky. I had cramps and a bit of an upset stomach. “I have cramps and feel sketch,” S announced as she walked in the door.

“Me too!” I replied. We both took some Advil and I had some Alka Seltzer to settle my stomach. We were going to be having dinner to celebrate our friend Christine’s 40th birthday. We weren’t sure what to get her for a gift, but after being pointed to her blog, we decided to get her some Scotch.

Neither S nor I know a thing about Scotch, so we did some research (also known as asking other people) and decided on getting Christine this. I liked the packaging and the fact that it came with three different years. I hoped Christine would like it too.

The minutes passed and it was soon time to leave. I wanted to take the streetcar but S was having none of that. “Are you kidding?! I don’t feel safe driving through that neighbourhood during the day, let alone at night.”

“But we’ll be together,” I argued.

“Ha!” she replied. “Have you seen the characters in that area? We’re not taking the streetcar.”

So that was that. We didn’t think we’d have much luck finding parking and we wanted to avoid the parking rage, so we cabbed it instead. The puppy curled up on the couch and looked at us like we were traitors. But you guys just got home! I bet you’re going out to food-cheat, you bitches!

As we approached the restaurant we noticed Christine outside enjoying a cigarette. We wished her a happy birthday and presented her with her gift. “Oh, a present! Yay!” she squealed with delight.

We were the first guests to arrive (besides the birthday girl and T) but were quickly joined by the rest of the invitees. Drinks were ordered and everyone at the table told the story of how they knew Christine. Unfortunately, yours truly had the most boring story of everyone. But, I think Christine still likes me.

S and I are on a mission to find a boyfriend for K. She’s a great girl who hasn’t had much luck meeting a guy who captures her interest. On Friday night, she was on a date with a guy with 69 tattooed on his chest. He claims it’s because he’s a cancer and that’s the sign. I’m not sure if anyone actually buys that load of bullshit but it doesn’t seem to keep the women away.

When all of the guests were assembled at the table, S and I began asking if anyone knew of any single men. S, ever prepared, has a picture of K on her BlackBerry so she went about showing it to everyone in the hopes of finding some prospects for K. No matter who we find, he can’t possibly be worse than Mr. 69.

Having everyone speak, we learned that there was another blogger at the table and that a woman I would later christen El Cheapo grew up a few towns away from where S grew up.

El Cheapo and S spoke about their upbringing and the high schools they attended. “My friend dated this guy named Dale from your high school,” S said.

“Dale WhatsHisFace?!” El Cheapo replied full of surprise.

“Yes!” S replied. “He had one nut!”

“What?!” El asked in between bursts of laughter.

“I didn’t learn that from first hand experience,” S clarified, “my friend told me.”

S and El Cheapo recounted stories of the trouble they used to get into at bush parties, the local fair and at the different high school dances. Both women escaped from their small towns as soon as they could. Yet there they were brought together in a restaurant in Toronto at a common friend’s birthday dinner.

Dinner was fabulous as was the atmosphere and company. During our meal, I recounted several stories of S’s rage incidents and stories of P’s drunkenness and dogs lost in elevators. T was sitting nearby and she too laughed at our stories. In all of the times we’ve hung out, I’ve never seen T laugh that much. It was nice to see that reaction out of her.

After the evening’s third smoke break, Christine went about opening her presents. She opened ours first and to my relief, she was happy to see that it was Scotch. It was around this time that I came upon the moniker El Cheapo for one of our table mates.

Christine finished opening her gifts and I joked that her friend had not bothered bringing one. In fact, she had given her gift to Christine during that day at work. Needless to say, I spent the rest of the night calling El Cheapo by her new nickname. Thankfully, she was a good sport about it. (I did not come home with a black eye.)

Christine and T picked up the tab which we all thought was insane. We wanted to treat the birthday girl, but the gals were too quick for us. They snuck away and paid before any of us even saw the bill.

Not long after the bill was paid, our waitress brought two of the guests’ coats and placed them over a chair. We all looked at each other and wondered if that was her way of telling us to get the hell out. I’m not sure why they would rush us out; it was late and it’s not like they needed the table to accommodate new diners. Nonetheless, we gathered our things and stood outside while the smokers enjoyed one more cigarette together.

The discussion turned to smoking and another S (a hairdresser and fellow blogger) mentioned that she used to smoke but quit when she became pregnant. S stunned the crowd when she announced, “I only smoke when I’m pregnant.” No one knew what to say to that. So we did what came naturally, we cracked up laughing.

Christine and T invited us over to see their new place – and by new I mean brand-spanking just recently built condo – but it had been a long day so S and I called it a night. We hailed a cab with El Cheapo who lives in our area (more or less) and made our way home.

S needed cigarettes but all of the variety stores in our ‘hood were closed so she had to go without for the evening. I suggested we go into one of the dive bars but S has an aversion to getting shot/groped/killed so we came on home.

Saturday morning brought more cramps and thus, more Advil. After medicating ourselves with Ibuprofen, S and I went about tidying up the house and getting showered. We were having two friends of hers who she met at a seminar a few years ago over for dinner.

We went and got groceries and wine and then came home and finished cleaning up the house. This was the first time these gals were seeing the place so we actually put in the effort to clean the house, we didn’t just sweep everything under the rugs.

Our guests arrived shortly after five and S went about introducing us. I had heard many stories about R and A so it was great to put some faces to the names. I’m sure it was the same for them as S has spoken about me (or at least I think she has.)

R brought her dog, a twelve year old Yorkie who was fascinated with Sophie (our cat). The little head wasn’t too sure what to make of him. Surprisingly, she was very quiet during the night. Usually when other dogs are over, she’s possessive, loud and territorial. Perhaps she sensed that yesterday’s guest was a fair bit older and needed her to be kind.

The dog vs. cat show was entertaining as the cat would taunt the dog by laying a few steps away from him. The dog would work up enough courage to climb the steps towards her and she’d go up a few more steps. Eventually, the dog just chased her right upstairs into the main bedroom so we took turns going to retrieve him.

After getting the tour, we popped open some bubbly and brought out the appetizers. The Yorkie must have been really happy to have gotten the tour; he was so excited he peed on S’s leg and the floor. R was so embarrassed and apologized profusely. Apparently, it’s not something he does often so she wasn’t sure what prompted it.

The gals caught up with what’s been happening since they last got together. It was a pretty secluded night for me as I spent most of it in the kitchen. I was making lasagna so I had to keep an eye on things – I didn’t think anyone would want burnt meat or pasta. I didn’t mind though, I’m glad to have given S and her friends the chance to catch up.

R and A (who is French Canadian and has got the accent to prove it) were very appreciative of my culinary efforts. The meal turned out well and everyone enjoyed it. I’m always worried about cooking for other people. I’ve gotten the lasagna recipe down pretty pat, but you never know what might happen.

Again, S and I asked if R and A knew of any single men for K. It turns out A’s brother who is considering moving to Toronto from Montreal is single. He sounds like K’s type and A thought K was gorgeous (S showed her the picture on her BlackBerry.) We’re hoping A’s brother moves here and we can set something up, stat. Mr. 69 needs to go.

After tea and dessert, R and A collected the Yorkie and some lasagna and bid adieu. S and I set about cleaning up and then came on downstairs to channel surf. There was an episode of Law & Order on. It was halfway through so we’d missed the investigation part of the show; the story had moved onto the courtroom. S lasted about five minutes and she was out cold. I made it to the end of the show and then suggested we go to bed. I think I was out as soon as my head hit the pillow.

This morning, I joked with S about falling asleep so quickly on the couch last night. “You know you’re tired when you can’t stay up for the hot girl on Law & Order.”

Today we were off to She Nay Nay’s baby shower. She Nay Nay is S’s colleague who was kind enough to extend an invitation to me. I was looking forward to today because I’ve heard a lot about the two colleagues who would be there (She Nay Nay and Alice.) A few weeks ago, S provided the girls with a link to this here blog. They had heard stories of the rage and S told them that I wrote it about those stories. I think curiosity got the better of them as they wanted to read about things through a different set of eyes.

I think it was interesting for them to read about S’s life away from the office. They spend a portion of their day with Professional S, with a bit of off-the-wall S making an appearance every so often. I don’t really see Professional S. When she gets home, she changes into her comfy clothes and slips into her kooky (and adorable) self. I was looking forward to meeting the girls and maybe getting some stories from their perspective about what it’s like working with S.

The weather was a bit nuts (read snow) this morning so we thought it best to leave a bit early. But not before S suggested told me I change out of my jeans. When asked why, she replied, “Because we’re going to be surrounded by a bunch of old Italian ladies who will be in their Sunday best.”

After I changed into something more likely to be approved by the old Italian ladies, I checked the traffic cameras online one more time. Checking that we had everything we needed, we went on our way.

The weather wasn’t all that nuts as we ended up being really early. Not wanting to be the first ones in, S and I parked the car and waited for a few more minutes. When we figured enough time had passed, we pulled into the restaurant’s parking lot and made our way in. We met the dad to be and introduced ourselves. She Nay Nay’s husband, who shares the same ethnic background as me, is quite handsome.

“My brother’s not that good looking,” I told S.

“Oh, I know,” S quickly replied.

“I guess I got the looks and the brains. He just got the penis.”

Once inside the restaurant, we found She Nay Nay where S introduced us. I was surprised by how short She Nay Nay was. For some reason, I was expecting her to be much taller. Regardless of her height, she was a beautiful woman with a lovely smile and eyes that sparkled. Being pregnant just accentuated her beauty all the more.

She Nay Nay also introduced us to her mother whose personality was so warm and genuine you couldn’t help but feel welcome. Her mannerisms and way of speaking reminded me of Celine Dion. When I told that to She Nay Nay, she laughed.

Over the course of the afternoon, I learned that She Nay Nay’s mom is excited about her first grandchild. I told her how my parents absolutely love watching my nephew and they’ve had a wonderful experience. You could see the love for her future grandchild in her eyes as she spoke about all the things she would do with her.

She Nay Nay’s father was also a sweetheart. He came by several times to our table to talk to us. He too was bristling with excitement over his first grandchild. He reminded S and I of Al Pacino (only much younger).

Not long after S and I were seated at our table, we were joined by another colleague of hers; an older Julia Stiles look-a-like who brought her teenage daughter. Said teenager wasn’t thrilled about being at the shower so you knew her mom owed her big.

While enjoying some nachos and wine, S announced that Alice had arrived. I looked around and caught a quick glimpse of a very tall woman greeting She Nay Nay. Alice had told S she would hug me when she met me but she didn’t count on the teenager being between us so she had to settle for a handshake.

Alice reminded me of our friend K. She brought so much energy with her and was very gracious and sociable. Alice is the kind of person who walks into a room and immediately makes it her own. She more closely matched the image I had compiled in my mind as S had described her as being similar to K.

The rest of the afternoon flew by as we enjoyed fabulous food, conversation and numerous laughs.

I pulled She Nay Nay at one point to ask her why she never got back to me on whether S and I could babysit her kid. I don’t think she’s too keen on S and I corrupting her child. Hey, free babysitting can’t be perfect, right?

After dessert, our pants needed to be loosened so we all pried ourselves up off of our chairs and collected our coats. I joked with S that I hadn’t had a chance to speak with my countrymen in my language. When we were saying goodbye to She Nay Nay, S made mention of my desire to converse with my country people so off I was dragged to meet She Nay Nay’s mother in law. While telling the old ladies where my family originated, I felt a tug on my arm. Looking up, I saw that the hand touching me belonged to none other than one of my doctor’s administrators.

Of all the baby showers in all the world, I had to run into someone I knew. Not just someone I knew, but someone who knows both of my parents and my complete medical history. Balls!

We chatted briefly and I learned that J (the admin) was She Nay Nay’s husband’s sister-in-law. Good grief, the world is entirely too small sometimes. While we spoke, I was hoping against hope that the big ol’ ethnic grapevine would not be set alight with news of my homo-ness.

Eventually, S and I said our good-byes to She Nay Nay and her husband and made our way home.

We continued on our weekend with me shoveling the snow, her doing some laundry and then vegging out with mindless dribble (read video games and lesbian romance novels.)

This weekend was crazy busy but seeing old friends, meeting new ones and running into folks you don’t quite expect, makes it worthwhile. If only we could find a man for K…

Related posts:

1. Speaking of Jerks…
2. An Evening with the Ladies and the Cards
3. The Big 4-0
4. Birthday BBQ and A Day for Moms
5. Remind me…
6. The wallet of reason, Whitey’s lessons and an early dinner