Since moving in, S and I have embarked on quite the home maintenance journey. This past Saturday we had an appointment to get our ducts cleaned. This was in addition to having our furnace cleaned three weeks prior. What can I say, we’re some clean bitches.

I had never been witness to the process that is duct cleaning. S and I were both expecting one guy to show up with a vacuum and do his thing. What we got instead was not one, not two, but three guys show up at our door with a long ass vacuum hose and several other hoses that they ran throughout the house. I lead them down to the basement to show them where the furnace was and was asked by Duct Cleaning Guy#1 if I had a cat. Coincidentally, Sophie had snuck down stairs at that moment and helped me answer his question. “You may want to remove her, ma’am, as our vacuum is quite powerful.”

I collected my pussy cat and made my way upstairs to the main floor. S was busying herself in the kitchen by putting groceries away. I could tell from the way she was huffing about that she was in a bit of a mood. I made note to stay clear as to avoid a rage incident.

All three duct cleaning guys were of South East Asian background and so they kept speaking to each other in their native tongue. “Is anyone napping?” Duct Cleaning Guy #2 asked. We let him know that everyone in the house was awake. “Good, because it gets noisy,” he replied.

While setting things up, the front door was left wide open which put S and I on high alert for a kitty escape. We’re pretty sure Sophie’s planning on running away (we caught her online the other day looking at flights on expedia) so we had to take extra care to keep her indoors. There were a few instances where we thought we lost her. But then she’d appear in one corner or another mocking us.

“There’s a problem with your furnace,” Duct Cleaning Guy #1 said to me.

“What is it?” I asked, dreading what his answer was going to be.

“It’s very dirty! After we’re done here, you shouldn’t turn it on because it will send the dirt back into the ducts.”

“How can it be dirty? I just had it cleaned three weeks ago,” I replied. “By your company.” (In case anyone’s wondering which company it was, it rhymes with ears and has an S in front of it.) Duct Cleaning Guy #1 took me downstairs and showed me that the furnace’s motor was covered in dust.

“That’s not something that would gather in three weeks’ time,” he said. I showed him my copy of the bill I’d paid for the cleaning and he let me know that it was a different division than the one he worked in so he wasn’t able to look into it for me. Instead, I got on the phone and called in to the S ears division that had sent out the technician.

“That shouldn’t have happened,” the French-Canadian lad on the other end told me.

“Of course it shouldn’t have happened!” I replied angrily. “I paid to get my furnace clean, not to have the dust blown around.” I was assured that someone from customer service would call me to rectify the situation. I have not yet heard anything back.

The duct guys eventually turned on their equipment and the house sounded like it was in the midst of a tornado. Sophie hid under our bed and the little head wouldn’t leave our side. The house was freezing because the front door was open and S and I were so cold and uncomfortable.

While trying to figure out the best way to pay for the duct cleaning, I asked S about using the credit card. “Just write them a cheque,” she replied.

“I don’t know if they take cheques,” I said back. We were only a few feet apart but because of the noise of the vacuums, we had to raise our voices to hear each other.

“What method of payment is acceptable for three guys in a truck?” she said.

“What?!” I asked, not sure I heard her correctly.

“WHAT METHOD OF PAYMENT IS ACCEPTABLE FOR THREE GUYS IN A TRUCK?!” Yep, she was definitely in a mood.

“Never mind,” I replied and I walked away to find Duct Cleaning Guy#1.

It turns out they were okay with a cheque and not long after they were packing up their hoses (that sounds dirty) and on their way.

The good news is the ducts only have to be cleaned every 2-3 years so that’s not a process we’ll have to repeat anytime soon. I’m sure Duct Cleaning Guy #2 was happy not to have to return to our house any time in the near future. He must have hit his head on the beam in our basement at least six times. “Mamma Mia!” he shouted around the fifth instance. You’d think he’d learn to duck (no pun intended) but nope, he kept whacking himself in the head. Maybe he was hoping to file a claim with the WSIB…

We have clean ducts now and for a while our house smelled like pine sol. But the critical question still remains: What method of payment is acceptable for three guys in a truck?!

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